Fashion Tips From My Parents
Herringbone is in!
Nice button-up, sweetie. Maybe a bit big for you?
No tie at Beth’s wedding? What world are you living in!
Dad has some chinos he wants you to look at.
What’s that logo say? Never heard of them.
Tuck in your shirt and all the girls will be after you.
What’s with the tote bag? It’s so droopy and sad.
A nice crew cut, that’s what you need.
Why don’t you wear something that shows off your nice muscles?
Herringbone is in!
What do you mean you’re not wearing a belt?
What’s with the plaid? You look like a lumberjack.
Honey I think you need to iron that shirt.
Dress socks should go all the way up to the knee.
That baseball cap is awful. Why don’t you get a nice fedora?
Two-tone shoes—the coolest.
That sweater could really use a lint roll.
Nothing is sexier than a man in slacks.
Why don’t you use the valise we got you for Hanukkah?
Wear a pocket square. You’ll thank us later.
Where are those leather sandals we got you for Hanukkah?
Nothing is sharper than a man in gingham.
Jeans? This is a nice restaurant.
Paisley is in!
Those shoes aren’t even white anymore. We’re taking you to Clarks.
Carry a comb. You’ll thank us later.
I know we said casual but really, no collar?
Every man needs a signature scent.
So much scruff! No one can see your beautiful face.
A nice trim leg says you mean business.
No watch? Your wrist looks naked!
You need a good mousse for that head of hair.
Darling did you know there’s a rip in those pants?
Your socks should always match your belt.
Headphones? In public?
Are those the right glasses for your face shape, honey?
Your tie should always land at your belt. If you had a tie, that is.
No leather gloves? It’s brisk out!
Your brother-in-law has such a nice clean-shaven look, don’t you think?
You could always take those pants to Michael, our tailor.
How long have you had that hoodie? I’m just curious.
A good shoe tree keeps the shape.
A black shirt? So morose.
Dad has some cufflinks he wants you to look at.
Flip-flops, I see.
Happy birthday, sweetie. Why don’t you treat yourself to some pleated navy trousers?
Mark my words: suspenders are making a comeback.
No belt?! How do you even decide which socks to put on!?